The Jaded Gentleman is a new column on contmag.com. Check back each week to read his reflections on relationships and life on the Hill.
Dear Guys,
I’m tired of you bashing Valentine’s Day. I’m tired of you not realizing this made-up holiday’s potential. Yeah, it was created by companies like Hallmark and Dove to boost their sales, but who cares? Regardless of who created it, it’s here to stay, so you might as well find a way to make it benefit you. The key to enjoying February 14 is to view it in the right light. Instead of looking at Valentines Day as a ‘holiday’ that revolves around buying shit for your woman, (which may have been its design), appreciate it as an opportunity to increase your own relationship satisfaction. Your woman craves romance, so buy her some chocolate or flowers or take her out to dinner. End the night with a glass or two of wine (or a bottle or two in any Hamilton drinker’s case). Hopefully the alcohol and the day’s romance will have your girl primed for a bit of kinkiness in the bedroom—all under the guise of deepening or strengthening your relationship, of course. Valentine’s Day is the perfect venue for it all: “I think we have trust issues, snookums. That’s why I feel that blindfolding you and then handcuffing you to the bed would help us get to the next level of our relationship.” It doesn’t matter what the excuse is, just end it with, “I thought this would be romantic for us,” and the night is yours. Have a happy Valentines Day. I know I will.
welcome to contmag.com!
2.13.2008
The Jaded Gentleman
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3 comments:
I have already bought my lady flowers and chocolate and will be buying a couple bottles of wine tonight, but I've been trying to decide how to broach the idea of bringing in one of her friends under the context of strengthening our relationship. Would it help if I suggested that we record everything? I could use some help on how to bring this up with her.
Thanks,
Dionysus
hahaha
Just tell her that if she really loves you, she'll let you bring in video equipment! Pressure is always the way to go. Suggest a Dionysian orgy as well.
Though the 'I love you' approach could be effective I think that could put strain on the relationship. Show her the benefits of filming you're horizontal tango. "I don't feel that I'm satisfying you. If we tape ourselves, we could go back through play by play and then I could work on my technique. I just want to please you." In circumstances like this its ok to blatantly lie. As far as bringing an extra friend into the fun and games, my suggestion would be to work up to that. You could always try springing the surprise on her. Come back to the room with your gal and act surprised to see someone else already in the bed. Be warned this technique has a high likelihood of getting you slapped.
Yours,
JG
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